People are born gay or is it?)

People are born gay or is it?)

I was born into a Christian family, parents and grandparents were very faithful people and still small taught me to believe in God, I read Bible stories and so on. My family life has always been wonderful. I had loving parents and little brother and sisters generally understood me well. God was always present in the home and our lives.

At school I was never very popular but I had some friends. We had friendly relations with both boys as well as girls. Girls for me were always good company.

I entered puberty when I was in grade 5 ° a For the first time I began to have sexual feelings. But I was ready. I was a precocious child intellectually, I always liked to read a lot so that I knew something about the first sexual impulses. My first sexual feelings were more like curiosity and thought it was normal curiosity to be linked to my friends of the same sex. It is an age when many boys experience of sexually with each other, but this is not an indication of future sexual orientation. I do not experience with anyone but I read a lot and knew a bit of 'sexual confusion' was perfectly normal at that age and that many guys feel sexual attraction to other boys during this period. This thought comforting at the same time I do not avoid the thought that my sexual urges were sinful. So I focused even more on God, schools and other issues expected to pass delicate stage.

Little by little my friends started to discover the opposite sex was the period when we share each other's girl attracts us most. In my group there was a girl who wore very nice to me so I told my friends that I liked it .. But when they asked me if I thought it was nice, I did not know what to say. I never thought of my colleagues as 'cute'. So the best answer that matter what was inside them. At the same time wondering what made my friends refer to them as nice. I did not understand but I thought it was just a matter of time and meet the right person. I believe while less developed sexually compared to my friends.

When I started having erotic dreams, I was terrified. In my dreams girls appeared not as written in books you read ..... but guys! Atemorizat wake me, I felt bad, dirty, dirty. I began to avoid the company of my colleagues attractive, harder to concentrate in God, I trust in his help. But if we inhibit my thoughts during the day, at night I could not avoid to dream ...

At that age I did not know much about homosexual behavior. Just knew it was something amoral between two people of the same sex (men in general) and it was completely reprehensible, a pity. But my feelings associated with homosexual behavior.

Later, homosexuality look back on a more personal form. Some colleagues were beginning to ridicule homosexuality using demeaning terms. In response, a group of fellow foster tolerance. During the conflict, one of his colleagues said openly gay. He was the older brother of a friend. Declaration of me a shock. Personally never known a gay (or at least I did not know). Actually not know him personally but that he was the brother of a friend (I was thinking how awful to have a gay brother) made me think that I knew. I started thinking if my friend was gay, maybe you catch me thinking.

Meanwhile developed my own theory about homosexuality. About me, I thought since I was going through that period of sexual confusion, which expect to go on as I was growing up. I thought there were other guys who like me went through this crisis and that their lack of knowledge may lead them to the mistake of autoeticheta gay and adopt a homosexual lifestyle, and thus destroy the future. Therefore I wanted to tell my friend to wait brother everything is going, do not take the wrong path. But I never had the chance to personally inilnesc him and warn him of danger. This did not stop me to take a public stand against homosexuality and accusing emphasize character pecaminos. I wanted to be understanding but also to be consistent with my faith in God. In high school I met a great girl - L. It was very funny, spontaneous, honest, active, sport, and especially the Christian era. I felt good with it. I started out getting together more and increasingly more I realized that everything I was looking to be a girl. I was officially in love. Although we met often, I had no hurry to advance in physical appearance, sexual. I wear it very educated. No I never felt physically attracted to him even though I knew her physical appearance was highly regarded by other colleagues. Yet I kept very much to her and doing her best to be a true friend. The only kiss which I was ever given on the cheek.

One day we went to a concert. We're feeling good, the atmosphere was full of emotion, but the memories I have of that time has nothing to do with music. While I sat him happy and trying our hands, my eyes met with one of a kind very attractive in the crowd. I saw his face for a split second but immediately I felt all my emotions and thoughts focused on him. We recognized that there were feelings related to my sexuality. I immediately wanted to meet him, talk to him to hug him. I think I'd be happy just to sit next to him for the rest of the evening. I admit it was not the first to make me feel this way. But in that moment I realized awkward situation, sitting beside the most beautiful girl I loved and who loved me, my beloved, with whom we hope to marry one day, and still my most intense emotions were aroused by a stranger in the crowd, one of the same sex ... What's happening to me? I listen to my prayers God intensely to help me I have these horrible feelings, perverse, undesirable for others of the same sex, I do not see suffering? My cheeks were filled with tears and L thought it was the music. But on the way home and realized that something was wrong and asked. I could not tell him the truth - how could I say I attract men?

One day chatting with friends. With one of the guys on chat speak only once or twice but I immediately felt a connection, and we quickly woke up I was wearing a private correspondence. We were talking about all kinds of stuff until I realized there was something special in my relationship with this boy very different from my relationship with other friends. I recognized in him something that reminded me of me. The more conversion, the more I felt more than a sense of fear mixed with joy at the thought of discovering who was the mysterious connection between us. Suddenly he asked me if I wanted to ask him something, but the question that I have asked her to put me nazar hard. I said I could not ask him anything special. However, he said: 'I'm not gay, nor straight. I'm somewhere in between. I guess you could call me bisexual 'I immediately burst into tears. All feelings repressed for years napadisera me suddenly. I prayed silently. I asked if they could keep a secret. And then I told him everything. Because his testimony was a name for what I Knead life. I was a 'bisexual'. But for me that term does not mean a choice and was not even a permanent condition. It was just a label for my condition, a condition was certainly temporary.

Eventually I got the courage to confess to him that I was bisexual and was amazed and astounded by the ease with which he supported and encouraged me to continue our relationship. I agree, I trust that God will help me if my faith in him was strong, I thought by him will win.

It took me several months to admit that the correct term for my situation was not homo-and bisexual. I chose the term bisexual because gay is so horrifying implications for me. I could not be 'gay' for proper it was a shame. But in the end I had to admit that the opposite sex has never attracted me from physically. A beautiful woman has never aroused emotions in me. That made me realize that I was not fair to the L. I was sitting with her because I wanted to be normal and I enjoyed his company but I never appreciated it compelt femininity. A mutual friend always told me how lucky I was to have a girlfriend so special, beautiful and full of quality. I realized that he felt something I never felt before.

Eventually we were both agreed to cut the relationship, later she has found another friend did well.

Even after I accepted that they are 'gay' I thought it was a transient condition. I was in a continuous search for cases of gays who have taken the right path. Meanwhile I stopped him ask God to show me the way and I started to ask what was done. I had no answers. I guess I was not smart enough or faithful enough to find the answer. All you can do is to humiliate me in front of him, to fall on my knees and pray.

Many of you will not agree with many of my story, but that is the truth. Some say we should not even call me gay but 'same sex attracted'. I prefer the word homosexual for their own reasons. What I know is they are more Christian than ever, this is true even if I called homosexual or not.

Justin author's ANONYMOUS